Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
