This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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