my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
