you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
