I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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