I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
