I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
