just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I understand Curling. That high.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
