I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
