I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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