I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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