Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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