I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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