did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
