Pappa wants mamma naked
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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