just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
