I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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