NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
