never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
