I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
