and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
