Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
