new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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