My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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