Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
