giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
