A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
