you guys were way drunker than both of me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
