loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
