if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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