So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
