it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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