He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
