Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
