if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
