BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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