So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
