Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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