Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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