idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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