final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
