while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
