weddingsv make me drug and hornr
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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