i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
