I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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