Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize