Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and she was petting her beer can
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
