i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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