The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
