I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
