I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i need some magic done to my vagina
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Someone signed my nipple.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
