sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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