I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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