super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
