i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
