Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
