It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
