i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
