She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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