ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
