He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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