Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
