I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you still have your period?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
