I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
