Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
