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• (310): View more from California

  Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.

  (310): View more from California

  I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....

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• (207): View more from Maine

  he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation

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  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?

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• (386): View more from Florida

  well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why do you think it's a no-pants party?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations

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  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads

  (1-787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Croutons?

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods

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• (360): View more from Washington

  The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!

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