Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.