if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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