OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
