I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
