Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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