If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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