in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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