Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
