I just saw a hot homeless man
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
