Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The uberlube is also flammable
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
