Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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