well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
