It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in