At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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