Texts From Last Night

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  (940): View more from Texas

  shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.

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  (940): shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/kuio
  Replies (24) Good night (2960) Bad night (957)
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  (858): View more from California

  Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.

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  (858): Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo. http://tfl.nu/gbo1
  Replies (44) Good night (2382) Bad night (5274)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.

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  (917): I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee. http://tfl.nu/d6kz
  Replies (15) Good night (1112) Bad night (4514)
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  (858): View more from California

  I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.

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  (858): I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast. http://tfl.nu/8lsx
  Replies (31) Good night (4373) Bad night (1463)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  And the cops told us we were all naked.

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  (305): And the cops told us we were all naked. http://tfl.nu/sk8w
  Replies (15) Good night (6663) Bad night (1099)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?

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  (714): Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex? http://tfl.nu/9pxt
  Replies (11) Good night (5076) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.

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  (859): It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face. http://tfl.nu/gh9q
  Replies (9) Good night (1164) Bad night (2338)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.

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  (503): He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis. http://tfl.nu/tjtk
  Replies (4) Good night (1244) Bad night (1868)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.

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  (201): We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two. http://tfl.nu/ib5v
  Replies (1) Good night (1161) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (534): View more from Wisconsin

  He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime

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  (534): He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime http://tfl.nu/bhm3
  Replies (13) Good night (2731) Bad night (409)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.

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  (609): He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state. http://tfl.nu/7xin
  Replies (24) Good night (419) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Are you setting a date to bone me?

  (530): View more from California

  Are you accepting?

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  (916): Are you setting a date to bone me? (530): Are you accepting? http://tfl.nu/jd32
  Replies (5) Good night (1392) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!

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  (440): Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack! http://tfl.nu/22h4
  Replies (17) Good night (3740) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?

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  (740): my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady? http://tfl.nu/kyxc
  Replies (6) Good night (872) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".

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  (360): You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes". http://tfl.nu/hqd9
  Replies (2) Good night (359) Bad night (469)

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