either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running