omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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