Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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