well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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