the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
