I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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